I was told rewards would fix it. Charts, stickers, promises of treats - all the classic advice. And for a while, I tried. But here’s the thing no one explained: you can’t reward a child out of fear. When their nervous system is in fight, flight, or freeze, no prize in the world makes the demand feel safer. Instead of motivation, rewards just added more shame. And instead of progress, the gap between us grew. What actually worked? Lowering pressure. Finding her interests. Creating space for contr

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